The Best

The Best Part of Summer:

I can get away with calling an Orange Julius with strawberries dinner.

The Best Part of My Day:

The hour and a half I spent reading this ENTIRE blog. I was laughing so hard I was crying...read it and bask in the hilariousness of the twisted mormon mind!

http://www.myregisblog.com/

In case you're too lazy to push the button and read, I'll share with you my favorite....

A Parable

Do you like parables? I like parables. I don’t always remember all of the details of the story - which is fine because often when we hear parables in talks they are different each time anyway. As long as we remember the lessons being taught, which is really the point of the parable after all, isn’t it? So anyway today I thought I would share with you one of my favorite parables in case you want to print it out and share it in sacrament meeting:

One time there was a guy in the mountains. Or maybe it was a young man. Like an Indian kid or maybe it was a lady. Anyway, they were outside and in a rural setting. Maybe in a mountain or by a river. Or was it at a park in the city?

The point is she was outside and heard a little voice say “hello” and he looked around and saw lizard – or it could have been a snake. Or a rat. But either way, it had developed human speech and learned a rudimentary form of English. And it said “pick me up” and the Indian boy was like “no, you are a rattle snake. You will bite me if I pick you up” Or maybe it was a scorpion and the kid said, “you will sting me…” Or maybe it was an eradiated rock.

But the rat was like “no, I won’t. I am a nice scorpion, now give me a kiss and I will grant you three wishes” and the girl didn’t want to, but the lizard convinced her to eventually, so the man put it in his pocket and carried it down the rocky cliff and when he got to the bottom of the cave, she took the sharp toothed marsupial out of her knapsack and it immediately sunk its teeth into her fleshy calf muscles.

So the old lady looks down at the badger and says “you said you weren’t going to shoot me.” And the magic rock says “look Poindexter, you knew what I was when you picked me up” And the boy was like “well what about my three wishes?” and the rat said “nah. I changed my mind about that” and then it slithered off and left Brer Bear to bleed to death.

The moral of this story is that sometimes sin can feel good - in fact depending on what sin we are talking about, sometimes it can feel REALLY good. But in the end, you will go to hell if you are nice to the little jungle creatures.

Also I think the boy’s last words were “it mattered to that one” because the poison had reached his brain and he had become delusional.

Or maybe it was this one...

Church Policy

I agree with the church's policy about not allowing props during sacrament meeting talks. But the thing is, if a ventriloquist dummy is going to be considered a "prop", then I think they need to make that clear when they extend the call in the first place.

Because my talk last Sunday didn't make any sense without the help of Brother Woodrow P. Woodruff.

Or maybe this one

Family Home Evening

Too many people make excuses for why their family is not having a regular Family Home Evening. But the thing is, it doesn’t need to be a long, structured, spiritual meeting that you have to plan for.

Family Home Evening doesn’t even need to be on a Monday night to be effective. In fact, it doesn’t have to be in the evening at all. And you don’t need to be home - or with your family, for that matter.

In fact. some of the funnest and most memorable Family Home Evenings I’ve ever had were when I was hanging out at the horse track by myself.

Oh, who am I kidding, just trying to pick a favorite has made me want to reread the entire blog, or just repost it here on my blog and claim it as my own so that people would think I was that hilarious...seriously, take some time and read it!!!!