This post might come back to haunt me later, but it's how I feel today so I'm going to go ahead and write it. If nothing else, so later in life I can use it as black mail. I know it sounds mean and like I have nothing nice to say...but I really need to vent right now.
Today I am done being a mother to my 3 year old. Maybe it's a good thing I only have one boy, because apparently I don't know how to handle them. Owen has been giving us a particularly hard time lately. I keep reassuring myself that it's just the age, but I"m not so sure. He seems to be a polite little person around other people, I've been told positive things on more than one occasion. But at home it's a completely different story.
I have felt bad for him being at home while I've pretty much been MIA (I guess pregnancy and a newborn will do that to ya). I tried to schedule things for him. John has tried to take him to do special things. We've done play dates, I've tried to have activities for him here at home. He's been invited to many friends houses to keep him entertained. And yet, I still feel like I'm raising a little terror. Owen is the most independent person I know. It might prove to be a positive thing later in life, or not. I'm not sure yet. No means nothing to him and I think he's obeyed his parents the first time he's been asked to do something only a handful of times in his life.
His defiance is getting worse. And he has reached the point where no punishment seems to work. We used to be able to send him to his room. Now when we do that he pounds on the door with bats, balls, cars, or anything else hard until we fear the door breaking in. He has issues following directions (from his parents). It seems lately that he has to be yelled at (in a very mean tone) before he will take us seriously. I've tried being positive and calm with him...it has yet to help. He is getting more and more aggressive. He is down right mean and hurtful to Ainsley at times. He will pull hair, scratch, etc. for what seems like no reason at all.
The other day he wrote all over my table with a pen (that's never coming off). On Saturday while cleaning I noticed that he had colored his wall and the back of his door with crayons. And today, after I asked him to put on his shoes and socks, he instead went and opened the dryer and sat on the door. Now I have to pay a repair man to come and fix it so that we can finish the laundry. I'm hoping it's only $100, maybe that's wishful thinking.
There are moments when Owen can be so sweet and funny and enjoyable. But those moments are getting farther and farther apart. I miss the kind side of him. Today he's brought me to tears because I just don't know what to do anymore. It seems he acts the same whether I put forth effort for him or not, so I'm starting to wonder why I'm bothering.
Today I went out of my way and let him invite over a friend. This meant having to get up extra early for me so that I could at least be dressed by the time I had to watch kids. I let him play out in the snow. We had hot chocolate and watched a Christmas movie. All to keep Owen entertained and busy and feeling special, and not less important than his sisters. How does he repay me. By beating up Ainsley and breaking my dryer as we try to get shoes and coats on and out the door.
So that's it, I'm at a loss. Is my Owen always going to be such a challenge. Is he always going to be the difficult middle child/only boy? I really just feel helpless. And I'm not sure what else to do.
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4 months ago
7 comments:
I have no words of wisdom for you. So sorry. But I feel sort of sick because this sounds like something I'll be writing myself in the near future. Beckett appears to be a miniature version of Owen already. Please survive this stage so that you can talk me down when it's my turn.
Jess, I hope you feel better having vented! Owen is going to turn out to be a great kid, I promise! This is SUCH a difficult age. Even Jack, who is a pretty good kid by nature, is often a terror now that he's three.
My little Colly sounds lots like Owen. Three was a rough age for him, with SO MUCH violence, meanness, trouble, and mess. (On top of that, this was right when we moved, so we were basically homeless, we had no friends, Jack was brand new, and I was a depressed mess.) The wonderful thing is... this must be a little like childbirth, because once I lived through it, I kind of forgot about it. (Your post brought back some awful memories!) Colin still has a little devil in him, but things are so much better now that he has grown up a little. Our big issue now is fighting, and, of course, Colin is the instigator in about 95 percent of the fights in our house. But for the most part I can handle it, especially since he goes to school 7 hours a day. :)
You'll make it through this!!!
I don't want to harass you with comments here, but now I'm reminiscing about all the trouble we had with our 3-year-old Colin... The very worst was when he plugged up the sink and left the faucet running. The flood caused $10,000 damage. Yowzers. I was definitely done being the mother of a 3-year-old that day.
Can I keep Davis a baby forever?!!?
He is very independent and you're just going to have to deal with that, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. But right now, a lot of his behavior is just adjusting to new people, position in the family, etc. It will get better. After all, his dad turned out OK.
I really feel for you. Bryce is a challenge also. Hang in there - you can do it.
My Jack and your Owen must have conspired in the heavens together. Some days I just want to lock myself in my room and forget being a mother to my child. . .but I know the house would be destroyed if I left him alone for too long. Hang in there. I often have to remind myself that our family wouldn't be complete even without my trouble causing Jackson. Just remember to tell him how much you love him, even if you are trying to convice yourself of it sometimes.
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