How do you want to be remembered?

I've had death on my mind lately. A girl in my ward died this past week after a long battle with cancer. She was 24, married, and had an 18 month old. I barely knew her. It was more like I knew of her. She had battled cancer to the point that she had one of her legs amputated in an attempt to win the battle. I hardly knew her family. They were more like church acquaintances than friends. But I have been an observer of this family for quite some time. For some reason my eyes honed in on the mother and the daughter. They were quiet and I'm not sure why I've watched them for so long. Maybe I'm the only one that enjoys people watching from afar, but it seems that no matter where we live there are always a few people that I watch but never get to know. This girl was one of those for me. Maybe it was because there was a story there that intrigued me. Her life seemed so hard and sad. I couldn't imagine being in her shoes, or her mother's. How hard would it be to know that you would not be the one to raise your baby, and that you would leave your husband to got it alone. How hard would it be to have to watch your daughter die a slow death. It all just seemed so difficult. It seemed like these two women were facing something that I would never be able to handle. And the the thing that surprised me the most was the quiet strength that they both seemed to have. They were very quiet and private people, and yet they seemed so strong and I admired them for it. I wished that I had that quality. I often times feel weak.

At church yesterday the woman that was teaching the Relief Society lesson mentioned thinking about how she would want to be remembered. When she was no longer here, what would she want her grandchildren to say of her? Would they think of her as a great cook, or great with a sewing machine? And did she want to be remembered solely for her abilities and talents? She then shared that she wanted to be remembered as a woman of faith and had made a conscience effort to be sure that she emulated this to those around her. I thought about this as she was speaking. I thought about how precious life is and how we never know how long we will have to leave an impression on those around us. This young mother only had 24 years, and yet she made an impression on me.

I worry that my focus in life is often not where it should be. I spend way too much time worrying about what other people think. I watched an interview with Michael J Fox recently and when he spoke of dealing with his disease he said that vanity was the first thing to go. What a waste of time to put so much energy into the way we are seen by others, our looks, etc. I mentioned before that I waste a lot of time worrying about my weight. Do I want people to remember me as being obsessed with my weight, a healthy eater, and avid exerciser (I'm not saying that it's not important to take care of yourself)? I really don't want to be remembered for my obsessions and my vanities. I want to be remembered for my works.

Last night I thought about what I want to be remembered for. I decided that my top two were for service and fun. I'm good at finding needs and trying to fill them. I know that if I worked harder and prayed for help I would be able to develop this skill and be great at it. I would also like to be better at serving those in my family. I'm good at finding needs outside my home, but sometimes I miss the needs right under my nose. I also want to be remembered as being fun. I feel like I have lost this ability. I remember being the type of person that always laughed and did outrageous things. I wasn't afraid to try or do anything. Now I'm more cautious. I think that marriage and motherhood has toned me down, which is okay. But, I feel like this side of me has become nearly nonexistent, and it's my goal to get it back.

So those are my thoughts and my goals. What do you want to be remembered for?