I have had a hard time watching Ains this past week. She has become slowly deflated in her enthusiasm as she climbs in the car after school day after day. Last week she was bursting with energy, but every day she comes home a little saggier. If that makes any sense. I know she's adjusting to a full day of school. She is legitimately tired at the end of the day. She comes home and wants to eat and watch TV. Which I let her do, because I can tell she's exhausted.
I try not to pry too much or transpose my nervousness on to her, but I'm nervous for her! It's just my own insecurities and memories of elementary school that are resurfacing. I know this because she seems completely okay with every thing I fret about.
Everyday when she gets in the car we start talking about her day. We talk about class, friends, lunch, etc. She never plays with kids from her class at recess, just friends from last year. At lunch she rarely sits by kids from her class. She has to wait for her friends classes to show up. And it broke my heart when she told me she ate lunch all by herself because the table she wanted to sit at was already full by the time she got there. And then she couldn't open some of her lunch containers and so she threw away most of her lunch even though she was still hungry.
And I know this makes me sound like the most awful mother on the planet, but I'm going to say it anyways. Ains is a girl who looks out for others. She finds the lost soul and befriends them. So her friends are often a little odd. And then some kids don't want to play with Ains because of who she plays with. I love this quality about my daughter, but I don't want her to struggle making new friends either. So there you have it, I worry that Ains might one day get picked on because of some of her friends. I probably worry too much.
But, I am also seeing that Ainsley will be good at choosing good friends. I quit hearing about the girl she met on the first day of school, Hannah. I was encouraging Ains to continue playing with her because I wanted Ains to have some friends in her classroom. But after some discussion I found out that Ains wasn't playing with her anymore because Hannah only liked to have one friend at a time and wouldn't let other kids play with them. And she didn't play, she just walked around. I was so proud of Ainsley for recognizing that this wasn't the type of person that made a good friend.
I'm also having a hard time with Ainsley's teacher this year. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, despite what I've been told about her. But I was completely annoyed on Friday when i got her first teacher correspondence. Her teacher wrote, "Good week. Ainsley and Cassidy struggle to get along. We are working on not tattling." Normally I wouldn't have been so annoyed because Ainsley can be a huge tattle. But I know Cassidy from her class last year. And she is obnoxious!!!! I asked Ains what she had been tattling about and it was things like, Cassidy rubbing glue all over Ainsley's arm and refusing to stop, Cassidy taking away Ainsley's chair, Cassidy taking all the pencils on the table so no one had one and refusing to give them back. I'm just wondering at what point the teacher considers it appropriate for someone to tattle. Because I don't think I would expect a first grader to handle those situation with anything other than asking the offender to please stop. Which Ainsley did. And I'm also guessing that if Ains did more than that she would get in trouble. John made me not write back a snotty retort to the teacher, so Ains doesn't start the year with a target on her back. But you can bet that I'll be in the classroom watching her teacher like a hawk this year.
Having a first grader is throwing me back into elementary school and it's making me uncomfortable. I just want Ains to have a positive experience. I should count my blessings that I don't have to worry at all about her academics. She has already been told by her teacher that she will get to go to a special reading group. She is the only one from her class that gets to go. Way to go Ains!
Even though I'm a nervous wreck Ains seems completely fine and happy (albeit tired). Which I guess means I'm doing a good job of hiding my feeling and just being positive and excited for her. Now if I could just get myself to worry less about her social life I might be a little happier.
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5 comments:
This is definitely one of the hardest parts of parenthood. It has broken my heart and left me in tears multiple times. I have had to find the fine line between fighting battles for them and letting them fight them on their own. It's a hard choice, cause I want to fight them all. Just know that it will always work out eventually. The struggles we've seen here have all been fixed eventually. Good luck! (I'm being slightly vague cause there is a child here, reading over my shoulder - go away child!) :)
**KT
I so so sympathize both as a mother and as a timid child like Ains. It's actually one of the downsides of being the oldest--you have to learn all that social stuff yourself rather than watching an older sibling do it or having the older sibling run interferance for you.
And working with 1st graders myself, I know how important that 1st grade teacher is, and I'm with you--I'm not sure Ains has the best. You definately need to be involved and be a mother helper in the classroom.
Give Ains a big hug from me.
This post makes me love Ains more than I already do. And it makes me want to homeschool my daughter. :)
I read this post thinking this is what I have gone through the past month. It is so hard not to be able to be there at school to help Gavin make friends, eat lunch, and be good in class. I just keep doing what you are doing. Trying to be aware of things that I can be and hope that everything else works out! Good luck!
Jeez! Makes me real proud of Ains tho :)
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