Okay, I'm not sure why I'm admitting this on my blog. I guess I want official documentation that I am not the perfect mother I wished I was, and since this is the only place I document anything, here is where the confession will be made. *Ahem* So here we go....
Yesterday I was talking to a friend on the phone and decided to get a group of people to go to the park today to enjoy the nice weather before it turns cold again. I called a few friends and told them to invite whoever wanted to come. I intentionally didn't call a friend of mine (I'll refrain from using names for obvious reasons) who's daughter Ains spends a lot of time with and doesn't always get along with well. (Here's the overprotective blurb...this is a girl that Ains has had problems with at school, controls who Ains plays with, takes away friends, likes Ains to play with her and no one else, likes Ains to be alone when in a group, controls most play situations, etc. I'm probably being harsh...but, that was my overprotective blurb...I'm the mom....I get to be that way!)
I debated calling her all night and morning. I really like the mom. We have a lot of fun together...but our daughters are like oil and water. I knew it would be weird not to invite her since I would see her twice while picking up and dropping off her daughter for preschool. My decision was made for me while I was getting Ains ready for preschool this morning. She mentioned going to the park and I told her that the plan was to go today. She then asked if we could call a friend, and I told her that I had already called some friends. Then she asked if this particular friend was coming. To which I replied, "Do you want her to come?" Ains then explained that she didn't because she was always grumpy with her.
Upon my deciding that we wouldn't invite this friend to this particular activity I also had to teach Ains to be sneaky. What kind of awful mother am I?!? I told her that it wasn't polite to tell people you are going to do something if you aren't going to invite them to come with you. Ains caught on to the sneaky thing really quick. She told me that she could keep a secret and she wouldn't tell her friend we were going to the park. By this point of the morning I was feeling really guilty for what I was teaching Ains, but I really wanted Ains to have fun at the park. I could have used this moment as some sort of a teaching moment...but I didn't, well I guess I taught her something, just not something good.
To make an already long story a little shorter...I totally got caught being sneaky. Someone invited this friend too. I was stupid to think no one would, and now I just looked bad after teaching my daughter that it's okay not to be friends with every one. I felt so stupid when my friend showed up at the park and told me that I had a missed call from her because she had called to make sure I was going to be there. *GUILT* My devilishly sneaky mind thought at this point that I was fine and she had no idea who had planned the whole get together, until someone thanked me personally for getting everyone together before they left the park. I'm such a mean person!
In the end, I ended up being mean to a friend, teaching Ains to be impolite, and aforementioned friend acted as was anticipated and dragged the other little girls around by the hand and wouldn't let Ains play. Luckily for Ains, the boys agreed to let her play with them part of the time, her cousin Bria ended up being there part of the time by sheer coincidence, and she made 2 new friends to play with for a while too, so she only felt bad for a very short time and wasn't alone for very long.
I accomplished quite a bit for one day! What's a mom to do?
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4 months ago
6 comments:
My two cents: I think that being sneaky about some things is sort of a survival skill for girls, and I think that you shouldn't be friends with everyone. Your story sounds like something I would totally do. Hailey is in love with this older little girl who is horribly mean to her (but Hailey is too young to understand) and I already dread getting the two of them together - even though her mom is a good friend. James even forbade Hailey from being babysat by them :) I think the honesty of your story was really refreshing. The day I do the same thing I'll be thinking of you!
I agree with Lullaby Lane. Sometimes we have to teach our kids to stick up for themselves. I also don't think you have to be friends with everyone. That doesn't mean you need to be mean (which you weren't)but you don't have to be best friends with everyone. It's tricky knowing just what to do as a mom huh?!?!?
I have done that one two many times and am caught every time. It is hard to be sneaky when you are doing something that involves women in your ward.
Thanks again for hanging out with us Saturday night. We should do it again sometime!
Congratulations, you're human! We've all done stuff like that. I don't think you're evil at all!
I don't have children, so I don't know how much my opinion counts, but I don't think it's ever too early to teach your kid that she doesn't have to be friends with everyone. There's a difference between being mean and keeping your kid or yourself away from people that aren't worth spending time with. You weren't mean at all and if your friend feels the least bit bad, which she probably doesn't, maybe she'll just realize her daughter isn't a very nice person sometimes.
I am on your side 100 percent, Jess! It's important to teach your daughter to be assertive, especially if this girl is a bully! And like Steph said, maybe it would be a good thing if this girl's mom realized that not everyone wants her daughter around all the time. I say good for you!
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