Three

It seems as though 3 is my limit! I have reached my max. I no longer seem to have things under control. This is new territory for me...and I'm struggling with it seeing as how I'm a bit of a control freak.


When I had Ains, although I had no idea what I was doing, life was still pretty low stress. The hardest part of being home with her was the boredom and loneliness. I made a great friend when Ains was about 1 that lived upstairs from us and that sort of saved me. We spent our times making cards and hanging out. Life was good. I still had my struggles, but I was in control. She napped daily and I had time to myself everyday. I always seemed to have time to get the laundry done, the dishes done, and keep the house clean. I had time to read. I thought it was hard at the time...but looking back, it seems heavenly. Hind sight it 20/20.


When Owen was born I things got a little bit more hectic. But things were still manageable. He was a pretty good sleeper and a pretty good baby. I remember there being a few rough nights, but John was home to help. During the day Ains would have quiet time. I was blessed with a little girl that could entertain herself for hours. She would go in her room and become consumed in her own make believe world and Owen and I would sleep. I was tired, and things became a little more complex, but I still had it under control. I still had time to get done the things I needed/wanted to get done. You know, like showering!


Then came little Emmie....and my whole world has been turned upside down. She has no schedule because she simply has to sleep when she can, when we're not running somewhere, picking someone up, running errands, etc. She is a wonderful baby and I could sit and hold her all day, but she wants me to hold her more than Owen did. I love cuddling her as she falls asleep, but as a result of that (and my other 2) I have somehow lost control.


Owen is the opposite of Ainsley. The only thing he can entertain himself with is the wii or TV. I try to set up projects for him to do like play-doh or painting, and he's done in a few minutes. He is constantly scouring the kitchen for food, and getting food all over the floor along the way. He truly relies on Ains for entertainment. If she comes up with the game, he'll gladly play along. Because of this, I have no time to catch up on anything. I haven't picked up a book, magazine, scriptures, anything in months. My nights are spent dealing with Emmie (not in a bad way, just in a give me attention please way) while laundry is still waiting on the floor to be folded, dishes are still in the sink, etc. I HATE putting off a mess for the next day. It just makes my day start off badly and that many more steps behind.


I occasionally get the house clean...but my kids are at the perfect ages to create the perfect storm. For example, I CLEANED my house on Friday. Really cleaned. And had all the laundry done. Here I sit 4 days later with a FILTHY house and 5 loads of laundry taunting me. If only I could train them to clean a little better....hmmmmm.

Errands have become more difficult to run. I'm trying to volunteer in Ainsley's class. I'm trying to do everything, but nothing is getting done well. Dinners occasionally get made. I miss cooking and occasionally make something nice for dinner, and then the rest of the house and my children suffer. John and I are both working overtime, daily. It literally takes both of us to make it through the day. I'm pretty sure it's time to throw in the towel! I know time will solve all of these problems and soon...too soon. I know I'll miss these days. But I've come to accept the fact that I've been beat at three. I don't know how women have more children than that!