I'm feeling pretty bad for Ainlsey right now. Which is funny because she isn't feeling bad for herself. I'm just feeling guilty for putting her in a bad situation. So here's what I did....One Sunday at the beginning of September I was talking with a mom in my ward who has a daughter Ainsley's age, we'll calle her B. Ainlsey and B had played together a little bit and they seemed like cute little friends. We even went to the water park with them over the summer. I got a glimpse of B's personality that day at the park but thought that overall she was still a sweet girl. During this conversation with B's mother we started talking about preschool and by the next day B had signed up to be in Ainsley's class. I thought this was great because now Ains had a friend at school and we had someone to carpool with!
After spending some time in the car with these two I realized that things weren't going so great for Ains. B would argue with her for arguments sake. For example when Ainsley announced to B that we were going to ride in her car for a field trip (which we were) B's immediate reply was, "No you're not! My mom said you couldn't!" I later heard from Ainsley that B was calling her names like "whiner baby" and telling her that her pictures she was coloring in preschool were ugly. B is also in Ainlsey's dance class and during dance B won't let Ainsley play or stand by her other friend Kiley. At ward parties B is always sure to find a friend and then "uninvite" Ainsley to play with them. I have watched these little social interactions and am pretty sure that these little girls would rather play with Ainsley, they just do what they're told out of fear.
Now I know Ainsley isn't perfect and has plenty of flaws, but I have never seen her be deliberately mean or say cruel things to another person. I feel awful about this situation because I put Ainsley in it. If I hadn't told this mother about preschool then they wouldn't even be in the same dance class. And now I don't know what to do. I've tried to talk to Ainsley about what makes a good friend and that if someone is saying mean things to you then it's okay to not play with that person and to go find new friends. I'm just not sure it's soaking in. Ains is such an upbeat little kid that these put downs don't seem to be bothering her too much....yet. I just don't think that at the age of three you should have to be told that you are a whiner, can't color pretty, and that you can't play with your friends. I'm not sure what else to do. So what do you think? Am I over reacting, is this just a part of life? Do I step in and do something? I'm welcome to all suggestions at this point!
6 comments:
That is so hard! Claire's 2 little friends on our street are really bossy and tell her mean things, too. Since I'm there and can hear what they say, I always jump in and tell them to be nice. It's hard, though, when all this is happening when you're not there. I wonder if she has older siblings that treat her the way she's treating other kids?
Poor Ainsley! Does Abby's mom know what's going on? Could you talk to her about it?
I would talk to her mom too. I would not blame it all on the other girl of course, so she doesn't get defensive. Maybe ask her is she has noticed anything between them while she is driving them and go from there on how to address it with both of the girls. I guess as long as Ainsley is ok you could just watch them carefully and talk to them about it when you see it happening.
When Steph was in 2nd or third grade, a ward girl was being similarly mean to her. I called the mother who laughed and said, "Oh, I can just hear her saying that." and did nothing to stop it. Because B is so mean, the Mom probably can't or won't do anything.
I would say just keep talking to Ains and making sure she feels good about herself. You could also invite some of the other ward girls over one at a time to play or go get popcicles or something. It might not hurt to make the pre-school teacher aware of what's going on so she can protect Ains a little or at least guide her to different friends who are nicer.
--Alene
WOw. I completely agree with Alene. It's exactly what I was going to say in every respect. What a smart lady? :) Let us know what you choose and how things are going. Good luck. This mom stuff is tough. Kenz is dealing with a little bit of that this year, but she's in 2nd grade. Poor Ains.
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