Saturday, October 20, 2007

Some thoughts.....

From the time that John and I were married we have never lived in a ward where I felt comfortable and at home. Our first ward in Provo was completely weird. There were lots of crazy newlyweds and the "real" members of the ward were really into this one "leader" family. There were like 10 kids in this family and their views were completely messed up in my opinion. One of the sons was our home teacher. When he couldn't make it one month he sent his father in his place. At first we were glad because on his previous visit we had a LECTURE for over and hour and were asked to bear our testimonies at the end of the lecture. It was all strange and awkward....and boring! I was very disappointed when his fathers visit was more annoying because he lectured ME, yep, just me, and informed me that if my family wasn't having family prayer and family home evening then this was completely my fault. Apparently he felt that what happened in a home didn't depend on a father and a mother, just the mother! I'm not sure that I would have let him back in my home after that first meeting.

On to ward number two. Our ward in Salt Lake was better in the fact that it was somewhat normal. And when I say normal I mean completely abnormal. We lived in an apartment complex that was annexed into a ward with some FILTHY rich people. Carl Malone lived in the neighborhood that was apart of our ward. Now, most of the people in this ward were very friendly and John loved that the lessons were more intellectual. But I dreaded going to RS because I knew I would most likely sit by myself. I was on the enrichment committee and I left one enrichment activity in tears. At another enrichment activity I had a woman mad at me because I hadn't cut the carrots I brought to the activity cut julienne (I didn't even know what that meant at the time), and because at one point during the evening I sat down with a couple of "apartment girls" to talk instead of serving food. After that I think I carried a complex with me for a while. I was always nervous to go to enrichment or any ward activity and I always worried that I wouldn't have anyone to talk to.

Ward number three. This was the ward we went to for a few months while we lived with John's parents. No one ever did anything in that ward to make me feel uncomfortable, they just didn't do much to make me feel welcome. We were viewed as temporary and treated accordingly. There actually were 2 girls in that ward that did reach out and try to include me, but that's hard to do when you know someone will be leaving soon.

And onto ward number four. This was the ward we lived in when we first moved into our apartment here. And I really can't complain about this ward. I felt welcome and needed but I think this time I had the attitude that this was only temporary. We were looking for a house and ready to get out of there. We lived by 3 other families in our complex that were in the same situation as us and we just kind of stuck together and had our short term friendships while they lasted. So I guess I felt comfortable in this ward I just never felt at home.

And that brings us up to our current ward. Where I finally feel at HOME! It has taken about a year (which I think can be expected when anyone moves to a new ward) to get to know people, feel comfortable, feel like we have friends, and know enough people that if someone mentions a name I know who they are talking about. I love that I finally feel settled. I'm not nervous to go to enrichment. There are people I would feel comfortable calling if I needed a favor or a babysitter. We have a social life with the people we go to church with and I love it.

Now, this might be a little crazy, but all of this thinking was brought about last night after we went on a group date with some people in our ward. We went with 2 other couples to dinner and then met up with some more people at a comedy club here. The comedy was awful (clean but a little painful to watch) but the company was great so it was still a lot of fun. So it might be weird that a night out brought these thoughts to my mind, but I had spent most of my day doing one thing or another with people from my ward so I guess they were on my mind. And I'm really grateful that I finally have a true ward family for my family.

4 comments:

Val said...

I've had the same experience, Jess. Those crazy Utah wards!

Lisa-Marie said...

Doesn't it feel good to be "home." I feel the same way about my ward and it truly makes all the difference.

How is the binky battle? Still winning? I need to begin the bottle battle soon. Ick.

Arin Rohrbach said...

Ben and I were just talking about this the other day. We've had 2 really awful wards and 2 really good ones, including the one we are in know. All in Utah. So, I have to defend Utah wards and say they are not all crazy. I love our ward in Provo now. It's the best ward we've ever been in. It depends partly on the people in the ward, and partly on our attitude. It is really hard though when you get in a clicky and wealthy ward. I'm glad you've got such a great ward now.

jessica said...

Arin, I totally agree about alot of it being your attitude. You have to make a lot of effort and get involved in a ward to get to know people!